


Letters to a Ghost

by live_laugh_read



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3134588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_laugh_read/pseuds/live_laugh_read
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Tris is gone, when he can no longer talk to her, Tobias resorts to writing letters instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to a Ghost

_THREE MONTHS AFTER_

God damn it, Tris. I’m not sure how long I can keep going.

It’s been exactly three months, three days and six hours since you… left. Yes, I have been counting. No, I can't write the truth about what happened to you because it kills. Metaphorically.

Christina stopped me from drinking the memory serum. Sometimes I’m glad she did, and other times I wish I had just gone ahead and done it anyway. On the one hand, I would forget this pain — but on the other hand, I would lose my memories of you.

And I can’t do that. I just can’t.

I’m trying to be strong, Tris, I know you would want me to be. But it’s hard.

* * *

_SIX MONTHS AFTER_

I can’t believe it’s been half a year without you.

Everyone’s healing, slowly. Zeke and I helped Hana move away from their family’s old apartment to a new one. She can’t live in a place where there are so many memories of Uriah, reminding her that he will never grow older, he will never age beyond sixteen.

Neither will you.

The initiates come again in five months, and I’m sure that all through training I’ll be looking at each one of them and comparing them to the first-ranked initiate who came before. None of them will match up to you, but they can try. And it’s my duty to guide them through initiation to full membership.

I remember your initiation, Tris. You weren’t great at the start, but in Stage Two you got really good, really fast. Amar and Tori’s brother did that, and both ‘died’ for their Divergence — you needed to be protected from that.

You should be here. It’s no longer a crime to be Divergent.

* * *

 

_ TWO YEARS AFTER  _

In six months Evelyn returns from wherever she went after leaving the city. 

Two years has swept by faster than I would ever have thought. Two initiation classes have been and gone since your passing. 

I work as a Dauntless leader, now, when I’m not training the sixteen-year-olds. Marcus was toppled by Evelyn and the factionless in the war, and anyway, someone needs to make sure there’s not another Eric. Not another traitor amongst the highest ranks. 

Christina decided to patrol the fence. She and her patrol mates are guarding against whatever’s out there, now. No more are the guards keeping people in or out, we are free to move as we please as long as we show identification. 

Caleb… is an Erudite leader. As much as it pains me to say this, I think I’ve forgiven him. In the end, we both know how headstrong you are, my Tris, and nothing would have stopped you going into that lab then. 

He’s happy. With Cara. I don’t think any of us saw that coming, the two of them even less. I know you would have wanted him to be happy, though. 

And me? I’m not quite ready to meet life head on, but I’m getting better.

* * *

_ FIVE YEARS AFTER _

I went to your gravestone today, with Caleb and Christina. We scattered your ashes two and a half years after your death, but we still put up a gravestone in Abnegation. Someone like you shouldn’t ever be forgotten. 

You may notice that I can now speak of your passing for what it truly was: death. It’s been a long, hard road to get here, but I’ve had our friends with me all the way. 

We stayed there, in Abnegation, for a while. When we put your gravestone up, Christina chose the words that would sit there for all time. 

I’ll write them below, so you know just how much you are missed. 

_ Tris Prior  _

_ Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant  _

_ She died for a cause much greater than you or I.  _

We didn’t want to go on about it, and Caleb was the one who stepped in and said that _Tris_ would suit you better than _Beatrice_. 

I agree with him.

* * *

FIFTEEN YEARS AFTER 

I don’t have a great deal of time left, Tris. They say a year at the absolute maximum. It’s ironic, how after everything I’ve been through, that it should be a simple lung disease to bring me down. They gave me meds for the pain, and I can’t help but wonder if this is how much pain you were in at the end. You shouldn’t have died as you did, amid red-spotted vision and agony that would knock out a thousand Marcuses. You’ve been lauded as a hero after dying storming the Weapons Lab, all guns blazing, to end the war. 

I know better. 

You died for love of your brother, your blood. Fuck the city — you couldn’t let Caleb die. Love for family is all-encompassing, as I found out when I couldn't reset Evelyn by force. The only way I could do it and be free of my conscience was to offer her a choice, and she chose me, just as you chose Caleb and peace everlasting. 

Christina stops in now and then to check on me, when I’m home. I’m home more often now than I used to be, since the lung disease prevents me from moving too much. I’ve already been banned from riding the train, as I can’t jump on and off. Instead, I move between the factions in a car, but not being able to ride the train any more means I have lost a large part of myself. From here on in, the only way is down. 

Caleb and Cara are, by all reports, working night and day to find a cure for this disease that is the be-all, end-all. Christina tells them from me not to bother. If I’m going to die, then I’d much rather let it happen than fight it. 

Evelyn is gone. She’s not dead, as far as I know, but she left the city for good five years ago. Apart from me, there was nothing else here for her, she said. In a truck like the one Amar used to drive from the Bureau, she went north to Milwaukee. _Might as well see the world that’s out there_ , she said before she left. 

Marcus died ten years ago, just after my last letter. Good riddance to him — he was cremated and Evelyn travelled east out of Chicago until she hit the sea, spreading his ashes there. 

* * *

_FIFTEEN YEARS AND TEN MONTHS AFTER_

It’s almost time, I think. Outside the window, I can see the sky rapidly darkening, bringing a close to what I think is my last day on earth. Christina has arrived to look after me, and seeing my hand shaking, she has just told me I should stop writing. 

I’ll put my pen down now, but not before I say one last thing. 

When you were an initiate, I told you I wanted to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest. Now that my chance to be all those things is over, I think the only ones I really succeeded at were being selfless and honest. You were more selfless at the end than I was in my whole life, though. I worked hard to be honest. 

It’s about time. I can’t believe how fast the years have gone. 

Christina is sitting on the chair beside my bed, reading. Her hair is grey now. I think I should stop writing now and talk to her. Thank her for being my best friend and “sister” all these long years, and for looking after me when I couldn’t look after myself. That includes the day you died and the days that came after. 

It’s not an end, Tris. This is a beginning: the start of something new. And soon, God willing, I’ll see you again. 

It’s time. I’m ready to go.

* * *

_ FIFTEEN YEARS AND TEN MONTHS AFTER  _

_ CHRISTINA  _

Tobias died last night in his sleep. He spoke to me for a while after dinner, and then he fell asleep. I stayed with him long after his breathing had become deep and even, and looked out at the stars. Any one of them could have been you, Tris, and I was so focused on thinking about the idea that I didn’t notice when he exhaled for the last time, and then nothing. 

I’ve looked after him as best I can all this time, Tris. Now it’s your turn. He’ll be safe with you, and every time I look up at the stars at night, I’ll think of you and Tobias, together at last in a blessed heaven and shining down on me. 

You were the best friend I ever had, Tris. I still miss you, but some day I’ll follow Tobias into oblivion. For now, though, I still have Zeke, Shauna, Caleb, Cara — we who are left of the old gang. 

Good luck, Tobias, and God speed.


End file.
